Do Over!!

Do you ever wish you could have a do over? Like when you were a kid and you messed up really bad. If you could go back and erase the things you did wrong would you? If you could erase the pain inflicted on you by others would you?

I ask this because I don't think I would. You see the bad things in my past do not make me who I am today. Instead they keep me where I want to go. The past for me is in the past. While I live it, and sometimes revert back I don't live there. It does not comfort me. It gives me insight into the woman I have become. Without the trials, and things I have lived through I would not be me.

Now I have to say sometimes like Kermit sang "It's not easy being green." I would like to rephrase that to be its not easy being me. I make mistakes, I mess up. I did then and I do now. I look myself in the mirror and see someone I didn't know lived inside of me. While life was not easy and still isn't sometimes I still am alive. I still breathe. I still love, cry, sing, and try. I still exist in spite of the life I was dealt if you want to call it that.

My parent's made many mistakes, but in those mistakes I became me. I wouldn't want to be that child now. Sometimes I don't want to be that adult. I live, and love. I try to be someone that I wasn't exposed to a lot. I think about others, sometimes my children would say to much. I love kids. I love to see them smile, and laugh and know that you care about them. That even small things mean something to you.

Today one of the kids I know broke a piece off of a fluff ball. Its this weird, squishy thing that has these soft things that dangle all over it. He was sad and upset and asked if I could fix it. I could not. It wasn't fixable but you are. I am. We are. We can not go back and fix things and have a do over. But we can fix things and move on. We can still work without all of the dangly things we have inside of us. Sometimes while we see those things as something we need we really don't those things when gone will not be needed. We can lose some of them and still be okay. Life doesn't have do overs. We can't be like the computer and hit the redo button.

Once things are out they are out. If you mess up you can fix it. You can make it right on your end but it may not change. Then you have to accept that it's okay. At the end of the day ... it won't matter if you had a do over or not because the sun will still set, and the sun will rise the next day.

Just do the best you can. Be who you are, and if you don't know who that is, find out and then accept it. Be on the look out for you. Hey I am over 50 and sometimes I still don't know who I am. But I know there is not a do over. So I press on. I glance back but keep my eyes on the future. 

ARTIST: Muppets
TITLE: It's Not Easy Being Green
Lyrics

It's not that easy being green
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold
Or something much more colorful like that

It's not easy being green
It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things
And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're
Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water
Or stars in the sky

But green's the color of Spring
And green can be cool and friendly-like
And green can be big like an ocean, or important
Like a mountain, or tall like a tree

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why
Wonder, I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful
And I think it's what I want to be