Chugwater ~

Family Adventure ~

Finally on our way. Heading through Wyoming. We stop in Chugwater. Chugwater is famous for their chili. But since we started so late we are going to eat breakfast/lunch. Stop at The Chugwater Soda Fountain. It’s in the heart of this small town. We have never been through here only the outskirts of town.

At the rest stop the kids found some Casper Rocks. For those of you not familiar with them they were originally a way to spread kindness. Leaving an inspirational message and if you find one take a picture and rehide it. By the way this rest stop is one of the nicest ones I’ve ever been to. 

I ordered ham and cheese, the kids ordered grilled cheese and Tay had breakfast smothered burrito with chili. I actually tried the chili it was tasty. We ordered the shakes. Wow so good! This was a fun stop over. Here are some of the pictures from our stop in Chugwater, Wyoming. 

It’s early and we get in and head out. Lots of open road to travel through today. Because we are behind I google to find the fastest route and it changes our original route. Now we are headed through Nebraska ... 

Let God direct your steps. 

Proverbs 16:9 

A man’s heart plans his way, 

But the Lord directs his steps.

Scripture is taken from the New King James Version Copyright @ 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

My Bags Are Packed

The next stage of our Family Adventure was waiting on certain things to fall into place. Number one was A ~ A car, B ~ A great price for a rental or C ~ A loaner car..

We had looked and looked, prayed and prayed, found several and they all fell through. About 2 weeks before we were to go.. my friends found a minivan that exceeded all we thought.

Bought the minivan. The kids are loving it. It’s got a DVD player, it’s got leather seats, it’s nice. Plenty of room. The ideal traveling vehicle.

Let me tell you, I believe in the power of Prayer. We had several friends pray. We had a few doubters who questioned if we should travel. But at the end of the day my (our) God provided. One more thing to check off our list.

Matthew 10:29 - 31
Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. 30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Scripture is taken from the New King James Version Copyright @ 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

A, B, or C

The next stage of our Family Adventure was waiting on certain things to fall into place. Number one was A ~ A car, B ~ A great price for a rental or C ~ A loaner car..

We had looked and looked, prayed and prayed, found several and they all fell through. About 2 weeks before we were to go.. my friends found a minivan that exceeded all we thought.

Bought the minivan. The kids are loving it. It’s got a DVD player, it’s got leather seats, it’s nice. Plenty of room. The ideal traveling vehicle.

Let me tell you, I believe in the power of Prayer. We had several friends pray. We had a few doubters who questioned if we should travel. But at the end of the day my (our) God provided. One more thing to check off our list.

Matthew 10:29 - 31
Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. 30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Scripture is taken from the New King James Version Copyright @ 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Pre-planning

Pre-Planning of our Family Adventure ~

Awhile back I met an amazing family on Facebook. My grands and I have been so blessed by them. We began talking about going to travel to see them.

So we started saving, and talking it up. Doing morning selfies to send and a calendar once we hit about a month out. The calendar was a very visual reminder that we were leaving. Also since my grandson is autistic we wanted to help him.

This was to be the farthest they have ever been from home and traveling by car or rather minivan. So we started planning. And list making and more list making. The kids tried to pack so many things. I think we packed and repacked to many times.

Can I just tell you how much God is the God of miracles? Well he is. He sees and knows what you need and don’t need.

1 Peter 3:12
For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their prayers;
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

I love that he is open to our prayers.

That Day

It's been more than a few months since "that day". You know the day when I finally had enough. The day I said I will no longer let you control my life again. The day I said just because we have the same parents doesn't mean my life is like yours. That day I finally said...enough is enough.

That day started out like any other. I've relived that day many times. As a child I was to timid, to concerned to rock the boat. I was to worried that I was being mean. I had fear. Fear that you (none of you) would love me. I was the good girl. That good girl who didn't want to disappoint any of you.

So I took the abuses you heaped on me. I lived with a cloud over every part of me. I didn't know who I was. I was so warped that I didn't know I could be someone. I was wounded. I was the abused dog who didn't think that anyone approaching was going to be nice. In fact I knew it would be another kick or another hit.

I vowed that my kids would never know that fear, or that sense of not being loved or belonging. I vowed that I would let them say they didn't like someone. I vowed that they could be strong. Stronger than me. I frequently spent hours, days, weeks, and years figuring things to do for you all so you would finally love me. To accept me.

I tried helping you and your children. I gave up my life to take in some of your kids. That was over 20 years ago. No I don't regret it. You know I understood what not feeling love was about. Because of that I couldn't allow these kids that feeling. I've had to cut some out of my life. And you know what? I'm okay with it.

I finally said enough is enough and I walked away from all of it. Even though I had walked away many times, I always left the door open a crack, I always anticipated that you would come thru the door because we shared a history. I thought one day they will say they miss me. But you didn't.

So the last straw came. I closed the door. My own daughters asked me if I would let you in. They said you can't keep it shut because your not ready. You will miss them, it will be hard because you played a role in their lives for a very long time. They were almost right.

I talked myself in to the maybe ..however I didn't do it. I shut the door. I locked it. I said it's time. There is nothing wrong with taking care of you. And there isn't. I hear the lies and I see the carnage of what your life is. I'm not going to be a part of that anymore. I won't let you wear me down. I refuse to allow the darkness of your lives to burn out the light that is who I am.

I haven't looked back and I haven't allowed the hurt to overtake me again. I'm ok. I really am ok. I'm free to be me. Free to be who I am meant to be and I don't have to feel shame or sorrow about that. There is power in being able to shut a door and open a window. There is freedom to be able to know that it's ok. That I'm not wrong to do that now.

Yep I see the train wreck and I'm at the sign watching and waiting for the safety of the poles to lift and the lights to stop flashing allowing me to continue on in my journey. My joy comes in the morning. My life is so complete in the one who created me. I have a life that is free from the drama of my past.

Step back

Sometimes it’s perfectly okay to be alone and step back. Do you ever feel like your falling downhill fast? Like life is spinning out of control? I do. I tend to withdraw when things get tough. I tend to desire to walk away from things.

Walking away from life though is not the same as stepping back and waiting on the Lord. It’s not the same when we chose to close ourselves off in order to stop the pain. Walking away implies a turning around and going the opposite direction.

Have you ever started on a walk and it seemed pretty and beautiful and amazing, yet when you walked farther all of the sudden the place changed. Maybe you think the grass is greener? Or that you need to walk this path alone? Perhaps it’s not the walk that changed. Perhaps it’s you.

Stepping back sometimes gives you fresh perspective. Gives you a chance to regroup and line up your life again. To move forward with confidence that your hope does lie in Christ and in Him you have peace. It reminds you of where you came from, and where your going.

When you step back though, don’t forget whom you serve. Don’t forget that the journey doesn’t stall. That He is the Way, the Truth and the Life, no one comes to the Father except through Him.

He Has Your Heart

Another quiet day. Grands are gone visiting and I’m here alone with my thoughts. Grateful they have this time to see another aunt and connect, but I miss them. It reminds me to pray. Not just say I will but pray.

You know I think about them all the time. From what I know about God he thinks about his redeemed all the time too. He desires to see us and spend time with us.

When we are off “visiting” he gently calls us back to himself. Saying I’m here, I’m waiting. He is there. He hears you. He longs for you to come to him. I took a trip up our local mountain the other day. I needed to look for a rock.. (that’s a different story).

While on the mountain I was looking back. Looking at how I’ve coped in the past ever since I can remember as a child and most of my adult life I’ve avoided and/or run from life. As a child I can pinpoint the days I learned to read and then escaping into a book to deal with pain.

The sadness and never feeling loved by my family.. well it chased me into hiding in books and sometimes humor to cope. You know if I’m not dealing with it, I’m not thinking about it. So I am a runner (not physically but emotionally). I run when I can’t deal or don’t understand. Are you?

Good news is that we don’t have to run anymore. We can run into his arms and away from the pain of our past. We can stop avoiding and have eye contact. Eye contact with the one who cares for our very soul.

I don’t know about you but I want to stop and move forward not be stuck in this pain and heartache. My heart is starting to heal. God is the only reason why I have hope at all. The mountains (also another story), hold good and bad in my mind and heart. Yesterday they brought me to this place. A place of Love and understanding.

No I can’t say I will never go back. But I do know I need to move forward in healing my broken heart, in my faulty thinking and I need to learn different and better ways to cope.. so here’s to a new day and a new way and The Way!