JOY Comes In The Morning

Psalms 30:5 (New King James Version) reads;

For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life;
Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.

My last blog I wrote about having a hard time sleeping. That is true for me. I do have a hard time sleeping. There have been many times when I struggle with maybe its something I could have changed, or done better. Was I a good enough daughter? Did I love my parents enough? I knew scripture growing up and it was something I used to get me thru hard times, but it also sometimes made me think I would never be enough. From my view as a child, and one who had many sorrows I wondered if I was good enough, happy enough, obedient enough, loving enough.. and the list goes on and on. 

When the nights were long and lonely, and I was afraid of my life, of what I would do or who I would become.. I would ponder things I learned in that Lutheran Church, and later the Nazarene Church. I often wondered if I would ever be happy, or if my life would never have a sense of enough. Of feeling full. Full in the Lord perhaps .. or accepted within my own family. The older I get the more I know that you can never be enough. You can have enough but you alone will never be enough. You are not made to be enough. We are not complete unless we have Jesus to make us that way. 

This first part of this scripture I held on to because I related to my father being angry a lot. His anger was not for a moment but since its all I knew its the only way I was able to relate to a father. The second part where it says his favor is for life well I didn't know if I would ever be able to find his favor in his eyes. I tried, but no matter what I did it was not enough. I wasn't good enough at anything. The gifts I thought I had he didn't think were anything and so I doubted everything and everyone in my life. I couldn't trust anyone. It was dark for me. Dark knowing that I wasn't ever enough. Knowing I could never find his favor. 

The second part is more important to me because I could make it in the dark of night. Weeping endures for a night, (yes it did and still does). But after the night comes the newness of the morning. A chance to see new things. To find love and life in a new day. This is what I want for my family and friends. The knowing fact that although we may weep in the night (or a short time), JOY will come in the morning. It will come. I have learned that JOY isn't about putting on a smile and faking it until you make it. It's about a JOY in you. One that says there is hope .. there is a reality that the bigger picture is My Father God will find favor for life in me. I am not to a point where I fully grasp that. I am at a point where I know its true though.

So may you find favor in the life we have in Christ, may you know that while there is weeping JOY will come. God Bless You as you seek him and find a Father who loves you so much he gave you his Son... 

How Do You Live Your Dash

How Do You Live Your Dash
by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning ... to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears.
But he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matter not how much we own;
the cars ... the house ... the cash.
What matters is how we live and love ...
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard;
are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real ...
And always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more.
And love the people in our lives ...
like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile ...
Remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read ...
With your life's actions to rehash ...
Would you be proud of the things they say ...
About how you spent your dash?

Just something to think about. 

May you have a Blessed Easter!

Gotta Have Hope

There are many nights I can't or don't sleep. This is one of them. I am not sure when that started. For as long as I can remember I have slept with my normal of 3-4 hours. If I am sick I will sleep more. Sometimes I will sleep longer. I am a light sleeper for the most part too.

I think it could be the way my life was when I was younger. When there always seemed to be so much turmoil. My head couldn't rest. Worried that we would have to leave in the middle of the night, or that we would be made to wake up and watch or hear what was being said or done to my mother. The fear was a very real thing to me as a child. I honestly am not sure I felt safe. Can't say that I felt secure and happy much. More like just thought it was normal. That it was a normal thing to have so little sleep and security.

Seems odd I know but I think that even when we were awakened for something that might be considered good it was not really a healthy thing. I do remember when my father would come home from a horse or dog race and he won big. He would wake all of us up and take us out to breakfast.. even at two or three in the morning. Was this a normal thing for others? I doubt it.

There would be times when he got us up for tragic things too. Like if we did not do what he expected us to do. I hope when my girls think back about life in my home that the memories they have of unexpected moments in time will not be ones that cause them distress. For that was never my intention. I have done some zany things with them. I used to wake them up at one minute after midnight on their birthdays to say I love you and Happy Birthday. I really don't know if they even remember those times.

Other times I did get them up early .. to go to breakfast. Or to go somewhere. I loved traveling early with them. In the stillness of the night.. or rather early morning. It was and still is such a peaceful time for me. It's when I can't fall asleep that its restless. Like tonight.When sleep eludes me its because I feel stressed out, worried, or maybe even overwhelmed. These are the nights when I just need to write or cry, or think, or pray.

Sometimes these nights cause me to go to the dark places I have lived through. Things that I have pushed away and hidden because they are painful. I don't like living in the past. I don't like reliving the sorrow. I prefer when I can't sleep to think about the good things in my life. The many times when I coulda, shoulda, woulda lived differently but in spite of me.. God got me through those times. This is the path I want .. the path of life not of death. Of everlasting love, hope and security not pain, sorrow, and despair.

So not tonight once again I am reminded that he has come to give me life and give it more abundantly. Thank God for that. Because the other choice is not one I want. I want to feel the warmth and love of my Heavenly Father. One that cared back then, and one who cares now. One who knows the amount of hairs on my head. Have to be honest .. they are a lot less then when I was younger. LOL But tonight or when you read this.. know there is some one who bore all the sorrow we have ever known or will ever know. He is the rock, and a very present help in life.

Maybe now the rest that has eluded me will finally come. I think I will head to sleep. To rest in Him the Author and Finisher of my faith. The reason I live and breath and have Hope.

Faith isn't the ability to believe long and far into the misty future.  It's  simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step. ~Joni Erickson Tada                                                

Childlike faith focuses on our Heavenly Father - not on our fears.

Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.  ~George Iles

Some see a hopeless end, while others see an endless hope.  ~Author Unknown