Birthdays are something I have very few good memories of as a child. First off I think because of my families finances. We were a big family and although I am not sure what my parent's income was I know we didn't have much extra money. Between my father drinking as much as he did, and his gambling .. there was not a lot of money that I know of.
My mother made a lot of our clothes. She was a fantastic seamstress. I remember her making jeans for all seven of us kids in one day. I was so shocked. She made our school clothes and dresses.. at least some of them. She had this big trunk full of buttons and fabrics and zippers. I loved looking in there. It was a smorgasbord of things.
So if any of us got new clothes when we were younger I don't really remember that. My mother did a lot of things. She could cook. I never learned from her though, she never taught us to cook. But she made our cakes, and special occasion dinners, and desserts. She also canned and had a garden. These are things that are becoming less and less common.
My birthday is in January. So I think in my own minds eye I reconciled myself to the fact that my birthday would always be less. After all in December we had my sister's birthday, my brother's birthday, my father's birthday, and Christmas. That was a lot for any family let alone such a large family like ours. I am thinking I may have had some birthday parties when I was younger but I only remember the one I shared before.
I do remember one year that I got some birthday money. I am not sure who it was from but I was so excited and my father was going to take me to the store to spend the money. I was going with him and my mother. If anyone else went I don't know. So when my father got home .. it was raining. He was not happy and he was upset with the weather. The whole way to the store he complained about taking me or having to take me to spend my money. He was speeding and got pulled over and got a ticket. He was furious. He blamed me .. I was nine.
Looking back now I know it wasn't my fault. But then, I thought it was. He made it very clear that I was not really worth the ticket and that if he hadn't had to go out then it would not have happened. My mother sat there. I know why. It's because of the fear and wrath of my father.
We did make it to the store. I bought a Dawn doll. It was all the rage then. So I am thinking I was nine. I also got the Dawn doll stage. I loved that thing. Perhaps because it we shared a name. I can't think of any other reason since I don't remember playing with dolls much. I was more of a reader.
That birthday I will always remember. It really is the one in my mind's eye that made me not like birthdays. They were not anything special. Maybe reading books I had this idea of what it should be like to celebrate a birthday. And it was not anything like that in real life for me. I did decide though that should I ever have kids they would have a special day. That they would be celebrated. And years later when I became an adult I sent my mom a card on my birthday. One to tell her I loved her. I did that for several years.
Here are a few pictures I found online of Dawn Dolls and the stage. My hair was about this color when I was younger. LOL. But I never looked this good.
Bitter are the tears of a child: Sweeten them. Deep are the thoughts of a child: Quiet them.
Sharp is the grief of a child: Take it from him. Soft is the heart of a child: Do not harden it.Pamela Glenconner
"You have to love your children unselfishly. That is hard. But it is the only way."
Barbara Bush
"A person's a person, no matter how small."
Dr Suess
My mother made a lot of our clothes. She was a fantastic seamstress. I remember her making jeans for all seven of us kids in one day. I was so shocked. She made our school clothes and dresses.. at least some of them. She had this big trunk full of buttons and fabrics and zippers. I loved looking in there. It was a smorgasbord of things.
So if any of us got new clothes when we were younger I don't really remember that. My mother did a lot of things. She could cook. I never learned from her though, she never taught us to cook. But she made our cakes, and special occasion dinners, and desserts. She also canned and had a garden. These are things that are becoming less and less common.
My birthday is in January. So I think in my own minds eye I reconciled myself to the fact that my birthday would always be less. After all in December we had my sister's birthday, my brother's birthday, my father's birthday, and Christmas. That was a lot for any family let alone such a large family like ours. I am thinking I may have had some birthday parties when I was younger but I only remember the one I shared before.
I do remember one year that I got some birthday money. I am not sure who it was from but I was so excited and my father was going to take me to the store to spend the money. I was going with him and my mother. If anyone else went I don't know. So when my father got home .. it was raining. He was not happy and he was upset with the weather. The whole way to the store he complained about taking me or having to take me to spend my money. He was speeding and got pulled over and got a ticket. He was furious. He blamed me .. I was nine.
Looking back now I know it wasn't my fault. But then, I thought it was. He made it very clear that I was not really worth the ticket and that if he hadn't had to go out then it would not have happened. My mother sat there. I know why. It's because of the fear and wrath of my father.
We did make it to the store. I bought a Dawn doll. It was all the rage then. So I am thinking I was nine. I also got the Dawn doll stage. I loved that thing. Perhaps because it we shared a name. I can't think of any other reason since I don't remember playing with dolls much. I was more of a reader.
That birthday I will always remember. It really is the one in my mind's eye that made me not like birthdays. They were not anything special. Maybe reading books I had this idea of what it should be like to celebrate a birthday. And it was not anything like that in real life for me. I did decide though that should I ever have kids they would have a special day. That they would be celebrated. And years later when I became an adult I sent my mom a card on my birthday. One to tell her I loved her. I did that for several years.
Here are a few pictures I found online of Dawn Dolls and the stage. My hair was about this color when I was younger. LOL. But I never looked this good.
Bitter are the tears of a child: Sweeten them. Deep are the thoughts of a child: Quiet them.
Sharp is the grief of a child: Take it from him. Soft is the heart of a child: Do not harden it.Pamela Glenconner
"You have to love your children unselfishly. That is hard. But it is the only way."
Barbara Bush
"A person's a person, no matter how small."
Dr Suess
I know alot of people don't like Dr. Laura, but I used to love listening to her radio show. She said something one day that profoundly impacted me and reading what you wrote made me remember it. Dr. Laura said that you get two chances to experience mothering - the first when you are a child and the second when you are a mother. I love that.
ReplyDeleteYou got to experience parenting when you were a kid and now you get to experience it by doing it as a mom and grandmother. Its awesome that you passionately seek to give and pour out love on your family.